Discussion Interacting with people online makes me more anti-social

[ジエントＰ]

Like the title said. I barely get any social contact beyond my immediate family so I usually go online to try and talk (typing and writing mostly) to people to get some outside contact out of the cursed social environment I live in. The problem is that people tend to be combative and is always looking out for a argument and a fight and are very dismissive online. being told to educate myself even on mundane stuff makes me very dismissive and combative as well.
How do you deal with boredom in a socially non-permissive environment? I usually retreat to eroge and get burnt out doing creative pursuits unable to gain any real progress in any of them (art,animation,music,etc.) and force myself to be "productive" in a craft that I do not consider productive but do so out of a desire to create something. I speak only or mostly one language right now and it's with people who have diametrically opposing opinions or what opinions do line up it's for all the wrong reasons and motives. I feel alienated from everything. I easily ignore most people because I easily get up in a tizzy over things that really don't matter in the grand scheme.
I occasionally make this kind of post when I'm bothered about my own thoughts, I woke up from a three some hour nap and couldn't sleep. This is venting, excuse my rant.

inserting image for mood.

 

[Halo]

The problem is that people tend to be combative and is always looking out for a argument and a fight and are very dismissive online. being told to educate myself even on mundane stuff makes me very dismissive and combative as well.

That's the problem with mainstream social media. If you don't follow their ideas to a T you're bad and get attacked.
It's not a place to make friends.

How do you deal with boredom in a socially non-permissive environment?

I sit in my room and complain to the 3-4 active friends i have on the sites i've made.

force myself to be "productive" in a craft that I do not consider productive but do so out of a desire to create something

That reverberates to my core. I have a lot of projects but 0 motivation to work on them

I speak only or mostly one language right now and it's with people who have diametrically opposing opinions or what opinions do line up it's for all the wrong reasons and motives. I feel alienated from everything. I easily ignore most people because I easily get up in a tizzy over things that really don't matter in the grand scheme.

There's no reason to try and interact with people who hate you.
find the 2-3 friends you like and talk and play games with them.

 

[ジエントＰ]

mainstream social media

That's not it, it's just everywhere I go, partially because I only know one language.

2-3 friends you like

3-4 active friends

That's the thing, I'm a neet with all friends from highschool, college, etc. that I have no contact with anymore. I barely had any friend I hang out with in college. I do not have a phone number anymore so I can't have hope of them contacting me or do I have interest in contacting them, the current simulacra pretty much makes negates any semblance of social bond beyond acquaintanceship and whatever semblance of shared interest of the past is highly likely to no longer exist later in life. The only hope is random strangers on the internet who may or may not be your FBI handler who's really only interested in you because he is being payed to do so and also have dozens more on his surveillance list. On one hand I'm lonely enough that I would like to find out who's my handler is but on the other I think that might be the reason why I had such a hard time interacting online to begin with. There's Misato which I have interacted with voice, I think I should again sometime soon. My mother tends to think I'm crazy when I talk in my room even if it's with people online.
Holo, what games do you play?
edit: image

 

[Hexasheep93]

Like the title said. I barely get any social contact beyond my immediate family so I usually go online to try and talk (typing and writing mostly) to people to get some outside contact out of the cursed social environment I live in. The problem is that people tend to be combative and is always looking out for a argument and a fight and are very dismissive online. being told to educate myself even on mundane stuff makes me very dismissive and combative as well.
How do you deal with boredom in a socially non-permissive environment? I usually retreat to eroge and get burnt out doing creative pursuits unable to gain any real progress in any of them (art,animation,music,etc.) and force myself to be "productive" in a craft that I do not consider productive but do so out of a desire to create something. I speak only or mostly one language right now and it's with people who have diametrically opposing opinions or what opinions do line up it's for all the wrong reasons and motives. I feel alienated from everything. I easily ignore most people because I easily get up in a tizzy over things that really don't matter in the grand scheme.
I occasionally make this kind of post when I'm bothered about my own thoughts, I woke up from a three some hour nap and couldn't sleep. This is venting, excuse my rant.
View attachment 10766
inserting image for mood.

I feel halo's advice seems more appropriate. Still a few things I might add that I do myself.

Exercise is never a bad idea imo, you dont a gym membership or anything fancy just something that gets you away from the computer for a time, I like to run for example, now I know that may not me a posibility for you even a few sit ups and push ups in yor room can be good.

On the social media side I find forums, such as thia one lol, are better than mainstream social media. Also take a break from watching reading news. I know is good to stay informed but too much is gonna have very negative effect on your mental health.

Lastly since you mentioned language, it probably wont hurt trying to learn a new one. That is a personal opinion though.

 

[Halo]

That's the thing, I'm a neet with all friends from highschool, college, etc. that I have no contact with anymore. I barely had any friend I hang out with in college. I do not have a phone number anymore so I can't have hope of them contacting me or do I have interest in contacting them

While I'm not a neet, i don't really interact with people.
In school I had 1 friend, who is now across the Atlantic from me and busy with his actual life so we rarely talk.
I meant online friends.
I started these sites cause
1. I wanted a powertrip
2. I wanted a place for like minded people
I found the people I like, i talk to them daily, and play games with them. they're my friends.
Find an online (as much as I dread to say it) community, find the few people you like and then move on. Make a discord, or run a self-hosted chat place and talk with them there.

It isn't a great replacement for IRL friends, but its infinitely better than being alone and miserable.

The only hope is random strangers on the internet who may or may not be your FBI handler who's really only interested in you because he is being payed to do so and also have dozens more on his surveillance list. On one hand I'm lonely enough that I would like to find out who's my handler is but on the other I think that might be the reason why I had such a hard time interacting online to begin with.

y'know the whole handler thing is a meme.
unless you're like a serious known threat you don't really gotta worry about it
Anyway, even if it is true what's wrong with a friend in the FBI. He's paid to talk to you so don't gotta worry about losing him, just gotta avoid the grooming

My mother tends to think I'm crazy when I talk in my room even if it's with people online.

so what

Holo, what games do you play?

why does everyone say Holo, it's Halo
idk.
guess i'm playing lots of Arma 3 right now. Rimworld can be fun...
Fallout New Vegas...
it's hard to say i haven't really been in any sort of gaming mood lately
mostly just been me and friends playing Arma 3 and chatting about stuff.

Exercise is never a bad idea imo, you dont a gym membership or anything fancy just something that gets you away from the computer for a time, I like to run for example, now I know that may not me a posibility for you even a few sit ups and push ups in yor room can be good.

God knows I need to fucking exercise, but I cannot stand people looking at me, and the 24/7 gyms near me are too far to walk too
and i haven't bothered exchanging my license yet... not to mention the gas prices and having to actually buy a car...

 

[Hexasheep93]

Is your bedroom too small? If not you can just do a few sets of sit ups and push ups that could work imo.

 

[Tamamo]

God knows I need to fucking exercise, but I cannot stand people looking at me

From my personal experience no one looks at you at a public gym. Just about everyone has their headphones in and minds their own business while going around the gym doing their exercises.

 

[Halo]

From my personal experience no one looks at you at a public gym. Just about everyone has their headphones in and minds their own business while going around the gym doing their exercises.

yeah my rational brain knows that.
doesn't stop me from being paranoid outside.

 

[Tamamo]

yeah my rational brain knows that.
doesn't stop me from being paranoid outside.

Its a barrier you need to overcome. I struggled with the same but in the end i gave myself a kick in the ass and went, only to wonder what i worked myself up over.

The regular training gave me more mental clarity and self confidence.

Personally i recommend High-Intensity Interval Training in a group setting if you can overcome your anxiety.
Its brutal but it gives fast results and in a group people tend to encourage each other since your all there with the goal to improve yourself.

 

[Halo]

Its a barrier you need to overcome. I struggled with the same but in the end i gave myself a kick in the ass and went, only to wonder what i worked myself up over.

The regular training gave me more mental clarity and self confidence.

Personally i recommend High-Intensity Interval Training in a group setting if you can overcome your anxiety.
Its brutal but it gives fast results and in a group people tend to encourage each other since your all there with the goal to improve yourself.

we'll see what happens, but I doubt i'll get over it. Living in the USA has done it's damage.

If I end up buying a car at somepoint (or moving near one) I might consider going to a 24/7 gym since I'm awake at night a lot and it'd be better exercising than munching on whatever snack I can find in my house.

 

[immahnoob]

yeah my rational brain knows that.
doesn't stop me from being paranoid outside.

Just workout at home.

 

[Halo]

Just workout at home.

lazy

 

[YakuInTheFlesh]

I can overall resonate with this thread. I am in a similar situation (lost contact with the few friends I had and for private reasons have trouble even interacting with people online. I doesn't help that I'm not a fan of discord & social media)

Regarding workout: I can highly recommended buying a walking pad. I usually have it under my desk while working or in front of the tv. It helps not being a statue and motivates to move.

This leads to another key point: Motivation or the lack thereof. Lack of motivation, especially over longer periods, can be a sign of burnout / depression. It's a good idea to check it out.


A little thing I learned over the years when interacting with people (especially more social ones) is that most don't want to have a conversation as much as just talk to an audience. It's scary how much more people like you when you just nod and say the occasional "ok, yeah, wow, really, no way, etc" as a response to their "conversation". And in that vein when somebody becomes confrontational / defensive it often helps to just let them finish, then agree to some of the things they said and put your point out there in small bites.

force myself to be "productive" in a craft that I do not consider productive but do so out of a desire to create something

You really need to change your mind on that one. It is purely up to you how productive something is. If your expectations are to high your disappointment will be even higher.
I myself have a little notebook where I put down 3 tasks a day and if I've done them I feel like I was productive and everything extra makes me feel even more productive. Try it out, it might help. Just keep in mind not to use impossible tasks like "Read the entirety of Moby Dick" if you only have 2 hours of time that day.

 

[PhantomXero1x]

i only interact with people i'm friends with otherwise forget it.

 

[ジエントＰ]

There's Misato which I have interacted with voice, I think I should again sometime soon

I feel even more lonely than I thought before. I don't know why. I should take the initiative sometime even if I appear intrusive just for sake of conversation and improving my Japanese. If anyone else on here know how to improve my Japanese I'm all ears.

 

[Gun]

I am (almost) on the same situation if I'm being honest. I still have friends irl, but it's just that I am starting to loose any insterest in some of them because we don't really agree with many things.
Just the whole Lolicon thing, all my friend group hates on it. While I am in secret a loli enjoyer both sexually and non sexually. Of course them just knowing that I like them sexually would results in many negative impacts, because these don't hold any good fame for most people.
My old friend group had 6 people in total, including me and my sister, let's go: I barely talk to 2 of these people because 1- They move to a different school and practically the only place in which I had contact with them was school and 2- because I barely talk to these two and these two aren't really that insteresting or do they really share something in common with me, of course, I don't hate them but yeah, that's it. One of these two is a feminist militant, while I don't particularly have anything against the idea of feminism, sometimes she puts "problematic" when there's nothing problematic like, of course, Lolicon. She believes in some things which aren't true and are just sold by media, like that men should pay for the bills because women are the ones who try to look beautiful. Plus, she's irresponsible and doesn't really think about things. Tho I feel really bad for her because she has many family problems (specially with her mother, tho her father is no better. Her father is a fucking NAZI) and already has depression in such an early age.
With my new friend group, there is now my sister and the other two friends. One of them I almost never talk and we are not really close because she's very popular and has lots of friend groups, so she doesn't really spend time with us. The other one is my sister and we are pretty close, tho we are now getting a bit distant because our tastes are varying now and now we are going to take different extra classes. The other one is actually really cool but I will also have not too much time for her because our extra classes are different and she also doesn't really agree with most my opinions, we most just talk about stupid shit, styles and joke around. That's my situation for now, I still have an old friend who is going to go back to our city in this year, but at the time was still don't have too much to talk because she barely responds anything.
Seeing that most people in real life and in most social media hate on people like me and really have opposite opinions of most of my takes and most of my thoughts gets me pretty lonely. This forum has helped me more with this.

 

[PhantomXero1x]

I am (almost) on the same situation if I'm being honest. I still have friends irl, but it's just that I am starting to loose any insterest in some of them because we don't really agree with many things.
Just the whole Lolicon thing, all my friend group hates on it. While I am in secret a loli enjoyer both sexually and non sexually. Of course them just knowing that I like them sexually would results in many negative impacts, because these don't hold any good fame for most people.
My old friend group had 6 people in total, including me and my sister, let's go: I barely talk to 2 of these people because 1- They move to a different school and practically the only place in which I had contact with them was school and 2- because I barely talk to these two and these two aren't really that insteresting or do they really share something in common with me, of course, I don't hate them but yeah, that's it. One of these two is a feminist militant, while I don't particularly have anything against the idea of feminism, sometimes she puts "problematic" when there's nothing problematic like, of course, Lolicon. She believes in some things which aren't true and are just sold by media, like that men should pay for the bills because women are the ones who try to look beautiful. Plus, she's irresponsible and doesn't really think about things. Tho I feel really bad for her because she has many family problems (specially with her mother, tho her father is no better. Her father is a fucking NAZI) and already has depression in such an early age.
With my new friend group, there is now my sister and the other two friends. One of them I almost never talk and we are not really close because she's very popular and has lots of friend groups, so she doesn't really spend time with us. The other one is my sister and we are pretty close, tho we are now getting a bit distant because our tastes are varying now and now we are going to take different extra classes. The other one is actually really cool but I will also have not too much time for her because our extra classes are different and she also doesn't really agree with most my opinions, we most just talk about stupid shit, styles and joke around. That's my situation for now, I still have an old friend who is going to go back to our city in this year, but at the time was still don't have too much to talk because she barely responds anything.
Seeing that most people in real life and in most social media hate on people like me and really have opposite opinions of most of my takes and most of my thoughts gets me pretty lonely. This forum has helped me more with this.

Full stop get rid of thsoe friends honestly especially if they wokies. Feminism is honestly another way of saying proud misandriast and serial killer of males i mean feminists literally encourage killing male babies just for existing.

 

[Hexasheep93]

I am (almost) on the same situation if I'm being honest. I still have friends irl, but it's just that I am starting to loose any insterest in some of them because we don't really agree with many things.
Just the whole Lolicon thing, all my friend group hates on it. While I am in secret a loli enjoyer both sexually and non sexually. Of course them just knowing that I like them sexually would results in many negative impacts, because these don't hold any good fame for most people.
My old friend group had 6 people in total, including me and my sister, let's go: I barely talk to 2 of these people because 1- They move to a different school and practically the only place in which I had contact with them was school and 2- because I barely talk to these two and these two aren't really that insteresting or do they really share something in common with me, of course, I don't hate them but yeah, that's it. One of these two is a feminist militant, while I don't particularly have anything against the idea of feminism, sometimes she puts "problematic" when there's nothing problematic like, of course, Lolicon. She believes in some things which aren't true and are just sold by media, like that men should pay for the bills because women are the ones who try to look beautiful. Plus, she's irresponsible and doesn't really think about things. Tho I feel really bad for her because she has many family problems (specially with her mother, tho her father is no better. Her father is a fucking NAZI) and already has depression in such an early age.
With my new friend group, there is now my sister and the other two friends. One of them I almost never talk and we are not really close because she's very popular and has lots of friend groups, so she doesn't really spend time with us. The other one is my sister and we are pretty close, tho we are now getting a bit distant because our tastes are varying now and now we are going to take different extra classes. The other one is actually really cool but I will also have not too much time for her because our extra classes are different and she also doesn't really agree with most my opinions, we most just talk about stupid shit, styles and joke around. That's my situation for now, I still have an old friend who is going to go back to our city in this year, but at the time was still don't have too much to talk because she barely responds anything.
Seeing that most people in real life and in most social media hate on people like me and really have opposite opinions of most of my takes and most of my thoughts gets me pretty lonely. This forum has helped me more with this.

Now I do not mean to pry but when you say "school" you are talking about university or college right?

 

[Hikikimorgan]

From my personal experience no one looks at you at a public gym. Just about everyone has their headphones in and minds their own business while going around the gym doing their exercises.

Exercise can be done outside of a gym very easily. All you need is a heavy backpack and several flights of stairs. Nobody will acknowledge you exist outside of stepping out of your way.

 

[Narmy]

If anyone else on here know how to improve my Japanese I'm all ears.

Practice and Anki is pretty much all you need. There is not much you can do to improve faster, you just need perseverance.