wow. i actually dont get asked about this very often so...you're in for a long one.
Let's start from the beginning.
Long before time had a name, Ninjago was created by the First Spinjitzu Master, using the Four Weapons of Spinjitzu-
(NO BUT FR, Lets start from the beginning)
ever since i was 13, i was like...very new to the internet. i didnt even realize that having a router at my gran's place MEANT we had internet. i played offline, wii and ds only. so when i finally started browsing online...everything changed.
its how i got into anime, it wasnt just youtube anymore, it was unlimited knowledge, anime, porn, games, EVERYTHING, and that was a powerful feeling to have. its when i decided to finally chase the dreams i never got to chase in my youth due to being isolated from the rest of the world.
there is no feeling more powerful, than the feeling of creation. bringing ideas to life, making dreams a reality.
for the LONGEST time, it was just youtube, yk? make a funny video, get 30 views, fight off occasional drama (which was ngl, some pretty heavy shit to deal with, the people i get accused by? the people ive had beef with? they dont hold punches, they'll say the most heinous shit about you)
its when i realized how much i was just...holding back, and after some major drama in 2021, a lot of friends i thought were my ride-or-dies? dipped. i had a lot of reworking of the soul to do, reevaluation, and most importantly, time.
i grew tired of toxic inhumane views, i love dark humor, i dont like hateful stuff, i dont like making people feel like shit over things they cant help, and my old group made me feel like that shit was just...normal. i didn't like the feeling.
so...i started branching out more. i denounced saying stuff i knew I shouldn't say, started bettering myself. even developed 2 of my best characters on the channel, and people love em now.
those 2 were Safari Man, (a bit in GTA 5 turned beloved channel icon) and Jack "Fucking" Ragna, an edgy Garry's Mod troll, and a swordsman! people seem to love the heavy metal aesthetic of jack, and lets me use a lot more of my cinematic tendencies, more serious tones you dont get with Safari Man or Stryker. it gives me a balance. my role as the leader, a quirky Steve Erwin style gunslinger, and an edgy swordsman who's extremely menacing. these dynamics were great to work with.
and with a lot of those people gone, i had a lot more free time, a clear head, more clarity, and more time to create. so? i began turning our experiences online into a manga form. i wanted to immortalize those who stood by me no matter what, in a story all could enjoy, while maintaining our inside jokes, references, and experiences. its why my characters feel so human, and the designs stick with people. i put so much love and care into these designs, and the personalities are based off of REAL humans ive had the pleasure of interacting with. no tropes, no color quotas, no inclusive token bullshit. just reality, with a hint of anime, action, and comedy.
people always wonder why so many people volunteer their time to work with me, why any artist would work with me for free. I'd say it's because they support the dreams and aspirations i carry, and a lot of the time? some artists will hop on and work with you if you're not afraid to ask. I fully respect those who can't, or won't because they wanna get paid for their time, but i have more respect to those, who know despite they're being little to gain, not even "paid in exposure" bullshit, no guaranteed benefit, and just wanna create something awesome with me? putting so much TRUST and EFFORT into my aspirations? i cherish those people, i salute them, and they deserve all the respect in the world. I'm greatful i was worth giving those people a reason to create, I'm greatful i got to work with them to create something magical, and i hope the experience and time working with me was enough for most of them. you cant always have a good experience with every person you've ever worked with, and when working with a large variety of artists and creators? there's gonna be negative experiences. but regardless of any times ive fallen out, any times where i had to fire someone, part ways, or it ended in drama?
im still grateful i got to work with anyone. people thing after working in the art community or in the youtube scene, id be more picky about the people i work with, or the artists that volunteer. but ill be honest? unless you're blind, an MSpaint user, or just cannot draw at all? I'll work with ya.
the same goes for youtubers! unless you're recording your games from your phone, or just making mediocre content that contributes nothing, or god forbid, your hardware isn't content compatible? ill work with you.
if you can keep your gameplay at 30 frames and the quality above 480? ill work with ya. Some people might thing that's picky? thats the bare minimum my eyes can handle, and i think a lot of people can agree. I think the only exception to that is if the creator is some kinda garbage human. I'm an eccentric MANIAC online, but theres people even i cannot work with, and i think we all say that's 100% fair. I'm talking like...
Kid Diddlers, Murderer, Scammer, Racist, Sexists, or just hateful to others in general.
Anyways, back on topic. Our manga has 4 existing chapters. ive written almost 29 chapters. our stories are long, our adventure is detailed, and i know the world will love it. that's why i never once doubted myself about creating more and more. and that's when we really hammered in on the manga, starting back in 2021.
And then, life happened. almost like it was fate, i reconnected with a cherished childhood friend, i didnt have many irl companions. i had 3 real homies. 1 ghosted me for a chick, and hates me because i said she looked like the default roblox girl avatar. Another signed up to the army, and i havent heard from him since. and the last one? the last one was almost as crazy and unhinged as me, after highschool he vanished, and i wouldnt be suprised if his crazy ass was in jail. i wouldnt even be mad, that shits funny.
but this friend? she wasnt associated with them. she, like me, didnt have many real friends, and the only person she spoke to was her brother. we met in 10th grade, and after highschool? she had signed up for studies in another country, and we hadn't seen each other since.
so we caught up, talking, rekindling the light i thought has burned out. and i was beyond happy to see her again. and during this, we started talking about hololive. i didnt realized she had gotten into internet culture, because in the nicest way, she was a bit of a normie in highschool. but after talking for a while, hearing about her vocal coaching, and her experiences in foreign lands, her dreams, her aspirations? she gave me an idea.
take one of my best creations, aka Umi Miho, and put a personality behind it, HER. personality behind it. The previous actor wanted to go solo, so we let her, and prepared the new umi, and after months of work behind the scenes, and another actor resigning? we finally finished her debut cover album: "The Big Blue Ensemble!". and while it was rough, her autotune and filters were scuffed at times, the microphone would even peak at times during the recordings, making her audio cut out, and despite all that? It was magical. we finally brought my favorite character, one of my best designs, to life. she was finally an icon people could appreciate. and i loved it.
there are bumps in the road, but hey, when isnt there gonna be obstacles? the friend playing umi? she's spending a lot of time abroad, and the main issue was social anxiety. it took a long time to get her to talk to other ppl on twitter, and she still refuses to join any discord servers and add anyone that isn't me or her irl brother.
it took all her courage just to come say hi to me again, and i love her but she's always been like that. but so far? we've made it work, she's come outta her shell, and im so proud of her.
after that? we started making music, as ive always had a knack for it. you can catch me randomly singing during videos all the time, i just refused to take it too seriously. but when im with her and the other girls we've brought on board? i feel like i can do my best.
then, something big happened. Filian, the 2 million subscriber vtuber? was hosting a "vtubers got talent" show. a fellow friend informed me, and entered, and i knew umi was way too nervous to ever perform live, especially in front of what was like,
8,000 twitch viewers? that shits scary.
But by some stroke of luck...i was picked. i was surprised! im not good at auditions yknow, and all i submitted was a cover of "Lets Get It On" by marvin gaye. but hey, i got in. and while i felt bad because the friend didnt get in, umi was happy, i was nervous. despite all my accomplishments? i'd never sung live for anyone that wasnt my close inner circle.
So despite rarely ever doing it? i started practicing, preparing, and orchestrating the performance. no "fuck it we ball" moments this time, i needed to do right by those who put their time and faith into me. i spent a week prepping, wiring audio inputs, prepping my autotune, and memorizing my performance, i even had to mooch a copy of voicemod off a close friend to get by, and im greatful he let me, without it i prolly would've botched it. (Shoutout to the homie Kay, he a real one)
And so, day came, me and 20 other vtubers, some way more professional than me? got into the backstage voice channels and nervously waited, i was so honored to be there, and spent most of my time trying to encourage the other contestants and let them know they did their best. a lot of people wouldnt unmute, and the vc was quiet at times, so when they got dragged back in, after a LIVE performance in front of 8k people? i'd be the first one to unmute and congratulate them most of the time. I knew if it was me, id want to be told i did well, and this event was already nerve racking, someone had to lighten the mood.
and then, i went on stage. I was contestant #6, and the judges? Shylily, Filian, LaynaLazer, and Suprise Guest? SNUFFY.
(this was the biggest left hook ever, since i am quite the simp of all these really funny ladies, but snuffy? snuffy was hands down, a favorite, i really enjoy her work.)
I got up there in front of them, trolled them by singing "Peaches" by jack black, only to cut to the real song, and catch them all off guard. I sang "The Greatest Show" by Panic at the Disco.
(I urge you to go see it, i saved a p
rivate version with just my section for my mom and gran, they were watching live and were very happy i got to participate)
and while i didn't win? no one was upset with the winner of the event, the event was awesome, we all were just so happy to be there, and ill cherish the event as a memory ill never forget. and yeah, there were ppl who had beef with me because i got chosen over other people, but like...who fucking cares what those people think? I got snuffy and 3 other lovely creators to jam out to my singing, and they didn't, cope and cry about it.
but most importantly, i had to thank umi for helping me every step of the way, and thanks to her? I'd like to say I've gotten better at mixing, vocalizing. and if it wasn't for my first COVID experience? id prolly still be pumping out songs like crazy. the moment this bullshit ass disease is fully Outta my system? its back to screaming my heart out with her.
it also helped to get her to finally start talking to other vocalists in the coaching program she's in, some kind of vocal studies or something. its how i met the actors being our other 2 singing girls,
Lakota Murakami, and Gabbi Fae Ragna. she was finally brave enough to branch out and it's shown how much she's grown.
and now, we are here. present day! see, in the background of all this? i was still producing videos, i haven't missed a weekly upload, for almost 3 years now. and being that im a creator and a menace? i have a tendency to poke around game files to see what i can tamper with, you see, i love messing with stuff i know I'm not supposed to. if a game has open sourcing? you bet your ass im modding the files. i love putting silly memes into games, or modding my content into games, makes it feel like a more personal experience for me, and Stardew wasnt the first time i had done it, its just the first time i had posted a mod publicly on nexus after years of using it to mod games.
I've made extremely cursed Minecraft modpacks that even Curseforge wouldn't accept, I've modded a fuckton of sounds in a Mystery Dungeon MMO called Pokémon Mystery Universe (and was labeled a menace in there for a while), i have an existing PMD mod I'm not finished with (that the mystery dungeon mod team rejected bc it was too fucking based), and a whole lot more menial or spur of the moment stuff ive probably forgotten about. theres probably more games ive modded flying around in my
600+ videos on youtube, good luck if anyone can find something even i dont remember.
Stardew was just another adventure for me, another check on the list, and while i enjoy modding it? i prolly would've gotten bored and moved in a week or two, if it wasnt for the GOOBERS moderating the game.
See, being that i have a disorder, known as O.D.D (
Oppositional Defiance Disorder) i really. REALLY. dont like being told what i can or cant do. authority figures suck, and maybe that's why I'm good at being an authority figure amongst my peers, creative team, and channel. I'm not the best, but I'd like to say i do my best.
So when some random moderator, who clearly thinks they're a law expert, comes to MY MOD, telling me how old MY character is, and then gets MODS ON DISCORD to ban me from a server for views i had on my NOW SUSPENDED TWITTER, over their personal, arbitrary views? You bet I'm not taking that shit sitting down.
I've always been really vocal, but I'm also not a fan of drama, after you've been accused of the heavy shit? all the menial stuff gets really boring, bland, not interesting. People get upset i treat it like its a game. But like, how serious do i HALF to take INTERNET DRAMA? this isn't my entire life, and I'm not gonna spend most of my time on people bitching behind a screen, when i know in a face to face encounter, 90% of them wouldn't say a damn thing. We call that PUSSY SHIT where i come from.
i spent a lot of time on drama, and nowadays? i let umi speak her mind on the small matters, and if she feels this needed awareness? i allowed her to go for it. but you wont catch me dealing with it personally unless its just prime juicy content, or an actual damning accusation thats new, fresh, and fun to counter. Because ill be honest? i'm not the best human, yk? im edgy, ive said some heinous shit, i used to have some pretty fucked up views on a lot of things before i broke away from the toxic bullshit i was being fed. and if people wanna criticize that? they should. wanna call me out because i used to say the n word? go for it! i dont anymore, in private or in videos. wanna call me out because i used to believe the bullshit spread by ben shapiro about the trans community? do it! i was a dumb kid. I didn't know better, but i do now, and i cringe about it too.
but playing pretend, trying to paint me as something else? a monster? that's different. and the fact that its based off lies, people left behind for being so bad even my EDGY ASS didn't wanna be around them, and the worst. fucking one....
FICTIONAL. PORN. and the people criticizing it are NORMIES, IDIOTS, or CHILDREN. I'm all for free speech, but i dont think the internet is a place for those 3 anymore. Im so sick of companies being pressured by bad actors and fake fans, or content creators giving the SHITTIEST TAKES on loli, shota, anime, or just common Japanese tropes, just to get fictional brownie points or avoid being cancelled.
these kinds of people are BAFFLED people still work with me. that i have supporters, fans, followers, and people who care about me. It's because outside of my ever expanding skillset, the content, the modding, the music, the branding, and the corpo stuff? I'm still human. mortal. flesh. it's like people purposely forget that, or try to pretend I'm not to use me as some idol of hate.
but what i cant stand is a community themed on anime, that self sabotages itself with people that aren't truly there for what it stands for. the reasons the realest of the vtubing community stands by anime as a whole, creating content around it, respecting every element in it, and isn't trying to cancel it, acting borderline xenophobic in the process? that's the community i came for. the realest of the real, and you'll find those who've had internet drama as a creator and still create content? those who aren't monsters, or awful people, but were painted as one for arbitrary reasons? those people are the ones you should befriend, they're not afraid, they're more willing to be honest, and they're not afraid of public opinion. they didn't sell their soul to gain a following, they didn't sacrifice ideals, or succumb to the idiocrasy of the masses.
and it brings us back to your question: why do i create? what drives me to mod? to make content? to do ANY of it?
theres only one feeling better than the joy brought by bringing your ideas to live, the thrill of creation.
the feeling of true freedom. knowing that regardless of the stupidity ruining this beautiful wasteland that we call home? regardless of the likelihood of controversy, being called things I'm not, being banned or paraiahed from communities for silly and menial shit? being used as an icon of hate, painted as a terrible person?
despite all that, i can say I'm a free spirit, i do whatever i want, no one stands in my way, and I'm happy.
see, i have a feeling in life: theres
3 types of people.
The Creators, The Sideliners, and
the Leeches.
Creators? we innovate, we make, we wanna bring something to the world, we wanna bring something to the masses that people can enjoy. sometimes people use this power for good, or self indulgence, sometimes they use it for bad. sadly, thats life, and i prefer using the power to create to make something i, or others, can enjoy. I'd never wanna use that power to make people feel bad, or hurt anyone, i just wanna mod my characters, memes, and jokes, into any game that'll let me.
Sideliners? its those who wanna do something, but wont. they sit there in life, with dreams, aspirations, and let silly reasons hold them back. you'd be surprised how many ppl think a lack of knowledge is an excuse. you have access to the BIGGEST SOURCE OF KNOWLEDGE IN THE WORLD, and you complain about not knowing? not being able to? if you truly were a creator, you'd make time, you'd learn, you'd find a way. putting dreams on the backburner? that's no way to live life, that's not living. that's existing. and if i was ever stuck in that position? id rather set the world on fire and perish, than live a life where i wasnt able to bring my creations to the world.
and finally, Leeches, those who sideline and on TOP OF THAT, use hateful means to bring others down, those who oppose creations, free thinking, and stand in the way of it over arbitrary reasons. they mooch off your likeness, your creations, and use it to point and laugh, whether its for clout, insecurity, or just to give their existance meaning? leeches are the lowest of the low, and id never wanna be someone who sits on my ass, contributing nothing, chasing no dreams, having no aspirations, and on top of all that? have the AUDACITY to criticize, mock, and belittle those who are honestly trying their best to make their dreams happen, to make their creations live. I have no sympathy for those who use people, those who writhe in jealousy, or those who belittle others dreams while chasing NONE of their own. To these kinds of people? i honestly say: if you cant do it better, if you cant 1-up me, if you cannot surpass my creation, then you have no place whining about it. I enjoy rivalry, not negativity. i urge these kinds of people to surpass me, to challenge my creations, and to aspire to DO BETTER. Sadly, most of them shrivel up in the face of adversity, and if youre not going to contribute anything positive to those around you? if you're not gonna bring constructive criticism, ways of helping those create do better, and youre just using your free will to bring others down: you have my sympathy, i could never imagine being stuck in such a position, and while your existence may be spiteful, empty, or unfullfilling? it wont stick to those who have dreams and aspirations, to people with those? it's just another name cast to the wind.
To wrap this up: creating is hard, and it wasnt easy to get here. to be truly unchained and unrestricted. ive lost friends, ive made cringe, ive said and done stupid things, ive crashed and burned, but the most important part is: never give up.
chase that dragon yall, keep the fire burning, and aim for the sky. there is no limit to the power of human potential. And hey, maybe i am silly for using my talent to create mods and silly internet content. but at least I'm enjoying life, and making something of it. i aim to bring joy and fun back to the world, to leave a lasting impact of as many people as possible. it may not always be a positive one, but my knowledge is something i enjoy sharing, my experiences are a cherished learning experience to all who will listen, and I'm grateful to anyone who follows me on this journey.
in the end, i can say I'm glad I'm able to make content online, and i wouldn't trade it for the world. Thus, is only a fraction of the "
Dawson Experience", and i hope it answers your question.
close, but nah, read up
posted my equivalent of a fucking Unabomber manifesto lmfao
